I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
