but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize