The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
