Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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