Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
