I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
