Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
