Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
