not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
