Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
