Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
