you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
