Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
