Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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