And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
