I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
