We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
