Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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