3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
