3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
