My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
