I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
