you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
