what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
