using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
