Betty ford says i'm here all night
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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