sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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