he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
