I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
