sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Ketchup is God's man juice
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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