She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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