I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
