Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
