I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
