just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
