I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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