Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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