i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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