I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize