How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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