I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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