cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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