Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
