Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
