we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
