i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
