I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
no more duck duck goose at the bar
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
