I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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