i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
