hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
