fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
