we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
don't judge my taste in strippers
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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