what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
