what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
