ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
