If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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