If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
