if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
