I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
