where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Randomize