You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
